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Christmas With Khalid

We got our Christmas tree! It has been snowing, snowing, snowing here but we ventured out and got our tree! :-) I am so proud of how into Christmas Khalid is getting considering he hasn't been celebrating it very long.... My poor little car still hasn't made here yet with my Christmas decorations, but we used string and paper snowflakes to make our tree look festive. We also used a date night to go down to the Rathaus (Town Hall) to their big Christmas Market where we purschased our first ornament together. :-) It was freezing, but it was exciting to see the city all lit up and Christmasy. They were having a big Coca-Cola party as well, so it was packed. And I am probably the only one in Vienna who was craving ice cream, but I also got a wonderful coffe haselnut eis to celebrate. Ha! Yea! for Jesus being born so we could have a cool holiday and a place in heaven! GIGATTATGIG!

Finally Our Forever Begins....

Well it is here! Khalid and I are "really married" now....like we aren't just having vacation time together, we aren't counting the days til I leave, and (THANK YOU GOD) we aren't talking on the phone anymore! It has been nice to be here with him -- set up house (semi - cause we are moving in a couple of months), try to get excited about Christmas, and just to be held all the time. We had Christmas together once when we were dating, but I spent most of my time with the kids here, so I am excited to share this Christmas with him. We are getting a tree this week and are going to decorate with paper snowflakes -- because my decorations are in the car and not sure when it will finally arrive. So our forever is beginning!

A small damper in our joy of being together is that I am struggling so much with Nicoda's birthday coming up soon -- and it has made my anxiety skyrocket. I am functionable, but barely somedays. But Khalid has been trying to make me feel better and even if he doesn't realize it, I am better for just being here. Alas I am praying that we still have a good Christmas amidst my rollercoaster of emotions these days.

I'll post some pictures after we decorate....its funny -- I always take SOOO many pictures, but now that I am here, here I've barely taken one. Ha!

God's Reaffirming

I had such a good God moment today that I wanted to share. I woke up later than expected today and missed my Bible and devotional reading which I have been getting pretty consistent on, so I was kicking myself. I have been really struggling with several things lately, so I have been reading and praying ALL the time. Well today something I have been praying for got shot down or I guess the answer just hasn't come yet, but I just felt this peace that God still wanted me to pray, that His will was still going to happen. Then when I came home tonight I read my devotional and it was COMPLETELY about praying until something happens. It even gave the example of striking the match over and over, until the fire blazes. I thought "YES GOD! I am getting the message!" If I had read that this morning, then it wouldn't have been as powerful. Yea God! So pray, pray, pray thats what I'll do! (But I will still try to do my readings in the morning...) :-)

Phillipsburgh Lovin

This past week I got to go with Jacqueline and Chloe to visit Jac's family. It was SO nice...we ate alot, visited alot, attended Sharlene's Shutterfly party, and most important for me felt loved. I got so many hugs and smiled so much while I was there. It was so sweet to see Chloe interact with her extended family as well -- they all love her so much! It did my heart good to go there and I told my friend Heidi that driving back, I actually felt happy. I am happy other times, but I was just running over with happiness and it has been a long time since I felt that. So YEA! for God's people spilling their love and joy to others! And Yea! for Jacqueline having such a great family -- grandparents, aunts, cousins! And Yea! for Shutterfly giving out free photobooks....

Pictures from our trip :-)

Keesee's and Sikes'

Lovin on Chloe

Bob making us a wonderful breakfast!

Chloe getting some Grams time

Jazzy doing so good on our roadtrip

Chloe enjoying NOT being in the carseat. :-)

Our welcome sign! :-) Sharlene and Bob are both so welcoming!

When One Door Shuts, Another Opens

YAY!!! Khalid and I are FINALLY going to be together -- I'm finally going to be a wife and enjoy fighting over dishes and trash! :-) We are both so excited. It does my heart good to hear his smile over the phone. And I wish I could have recorded his voice when he called to tell how the hearing he went -- he was shouting! PRAISE GOD! We were both honestly not very hopeful because every other door we had prayed for had been shut, so for it to be flown open was like water to our dry hearts! so again i say PRAISE GOD! We prayed and prayed and prayed for so long and with so many tears for his American papers and the door was not just shut, it was slammed. Then a month later (and still more prayers) the door for us to be together was opened. God said, "Finally you asked for what my plan was!" Well thanks God -- we got the message after the fact. Sorry we are such dense humans. So who knows -- America may still be in our future, but God has plans for us yet still in Europe. All in His timing and according to His will....PRAISE GOD! I am so excited to be with Khalid and my anxiety to go down. Ever since I came back to America in September I have been having anxiety attacks almost daily -- almost like my body rebelling being away from Khalid. So it will do my body and heart good to be there. My planned move date is Dec. 3rd, but that is all contigent on dollars lining up like we need. But if God wants me there, no money will hold me back. That is a lesson I learned being a missionary -- the money is the easy part. :-) So can I say PRAISE GOD again?

I also wanted to post a HUGE THANK YOU for all the people who have been praying....we truly appreciate it. And we ask you not to stop....we still need a few more details to iron out and for my mental status about leaving my fam and friends here. And I logically know that Nicoda is in heaven, but I feel such a pull to his grave, it is always hard to think of being so far from "him". But Khalid's hugs and our memories of Nicoda are defintely a better memorial than a headstone.

More details and moving plans to come!

Kansas City, Here We Come

Jac, Chloe, and I took a road trip to the close and nearby city of home. I wanted to get some good shots of Kansas City before I move, so I can have a little book of home with me. So here are some of pictures of how I see Kansas City. :-)

Still need to get some shots of Worlds of Fun and my favorite gas station, Quiktrip. Anybody think of any shots that I am missing?

Then there are some pictures of us -- because who can resist taking pictures with Chloe! :-)

"Lights of Love"

Today is October 15th and at 7 pm (my time zone) I will be lighting a candle for Nicoda and all the babies I know that have passed away through miscarriage and stillbirth. It is called Lights of Love and is a nationally recognized day for Infant Loss. I am asking that you join me in remembering Nicoda by also lighting a candle for one hour on Thursday at 7. If you do, I am also asking that you take a picture as I would like to document some of them in his scrapbook. So many people have experienced this loss either personally, as a family member, or close friend -- so light the candle for all the babies you know who have passed. I will be remembering Thomas, Opal, Levi, and Gracie and many other babies whom I know are with my son in heaven.

Here is a link with a video and more information. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSYvT-Qv_5w

I love you Nicoda and can't wait to hold you in heaven again.

Sept Fotos

Chloe so excited Mommy is home!
Fall Pies -- Me and Heidi

Kaylin - so happy to play with "Mommy's friend"
(Leah Roushar's daughter)

Piper - starting to walk and learning to terrorize the cat like her sister

(Leah Roushar's daughter)

Trying to get Chloe to smile

My nephew turned 6!

Jacqueline's Birthday

Chloe in her "power outfit"

Time is Inching Along

I am always amazed how time technically never goes at different speeds -- yet we feel that it does. When the calender hit October and the leaves started to turn here in Kansas City, I was very confused. How could it possibly be October? I feel like it should be March, almost like I become stuck there and yet the world hasn't been. The weeks and months right after Nicoda died felt like years. I could not get through a week without wondering WHY it felt like a month had passed. Now it has been 9 months and time is moving along again...it is just another way for me to see how my grief is becoming a part of me vs. being all of me. When time starts to move again.... Sorry if none of that made any sense. HA!

Basically right now I am just trying to spend time with people I love. I use my umemployed hours helping around the house where I live, running errands, and visiting friends and family. It has been such a joy to have Jacqueline and Jordan in Kansas City -- Jac and Chloe are home during the day, so I go and hang out there. It is so great to go from visits once, maybe twice a year to once or twice a week. And it gives me plenty of time to start teaching Chloe my name before I move.

I have also gotten almost completely ready to move to Austria....I went through ALL my things and packed them for Austria, storage, or Goodwill. Even though it is looking like I won't be able to afford to leave until early December - I love that ready to go feeling. It is so exciting to me to think about moving there, about being with Khalid, setting up our first home, getting off the airplane and not having to count the days til I have to fly back. I was telling my friend Amanda that I truly feel like a newlywed -- finally combining our homes and lives together! Soon and very soon we are hoping! Please pray that everything works out and that Khalid and I have the patience to handle just a couple more months!

I'll try to post some pictures soon -- I would do it now, but it keeps freezing when I try, so my computer must be tired. :-)