Prayers for my Hubby

I know I write a lot on this blog about how hard my life is and I do still need prayers....so many still. The pain of losing Nicoda is still so fresh and I feel daily reminded of how old he should be (almost 4 mo)...or remembering how different it was one year ago when I was still pregnant and hopeful.

But the biggest strain right now is being separated from Khalid. It is a huge strain on him as well and he needs a lot of prayers right now. For months he has been my rock and kept me going -- and now he is hurting so much and I can't help him. Talking on the phone isn't what he needs right now and that is all I have. He aches for all the things that are missing in his life and wants closure of this visa process. Please pray for his faith to grow, for peace and strength, and for our marriage come through this storm stronger. Thank you!

Streams in the Desert

This is a poem that I have been reading over and over and over again. It is soothing to me and helps to remember that even when I don't feel it or want to believe it -- God's Word and promises are still true.

My words...will come true at their proper time. (Luke 1:20)

What the Lord has said...will be accomplished! (Luke 1:45)

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things
A loving heart has waited to see;
Those words will be fulfilled to which she clings,
because her God has promised faithfully;
And, knowing Him, she never can doubt His Word;
He speaks and it is done. The Mighty Lord!

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,
O burdened heart, rest in His care;
In quients beneath His shadowing wings
Await the anser to your longings and prayer.
When you have "cast your cares" the heart sings,
The Lord is sure to accomplish those things.

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things,
O tired heart, believe, wait, pray.
Though cloud and rain and storm have filled the day.
Faith pierces through the mist of doubt that bars
the coming night and finds the stars.

The Lords is sure to accomplish those things,
O trusting heart, the Lord to you has told;
Let faith and hope arise and lift their wings;
to soar toward that sunrise clouds of gold;
the doorways of the rosy dawn swing wide,
Revealing joys the darkness of night did hide.

-Bessie Porter

Just Be There

You don't know how I feel; please don't tell me that you do. There's just one way to know--have you lost a child too?" You'll have another child"--must I hear this every day? Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away?

Don't say it was "God's will"--that's not the God I know. Would God, on purpose, break my heart, then watch as my tears flow?" You have an angel in heaven--a precious child above. "But tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give all this love?

"Aren't you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say? No! A part of my heart aches and I'll always feel some pain. You think that silence is kind, but it hurts me even more. I want to talk about my child who has gone through death's door.

Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well. They do not take my pain away; I must go through this hell. I will get better, slow but sure--and it helps to have you near. And a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.

~ Gail Fasolo ~

Nicoda Shaw Hamidi

Discouraged

I can't think of a better word to describe myself right now...discouraged. Well maybe depressed would work as well. :-( People try to make me feel better or give me advice, but it's like trying to water a dead plant. It has been 13 months with no hubby and 6 months with no Nicoda -- and it doesn't seem to be getting better. No amount of crying, no amount of praying, no amount of dreaming is changing that everything sucks right now. I try to read my Bible, but -what is it that people say - that at different points in your life you see different things in Scripture. Well when I read the OT, I see over and over how God punishes the Israelites....and that is how I feel, punished. Whether for some unknown horrible sin or maybe because I was going to be a bad mother -- who knows. And the NT...all about how much God loves us -- and I get that He loves Nicoda, He let him be born into heaven -- but where is the love for me and Khalid. When does this earthly hell end? When does the God of peace hold me and the God of justice bring my husband and I together? Where is God when I cry for days all alone and the phone never even rings? Where is God when I need my husband so bad and Homeland Security doesn't even believe we are in love? I feel like Humpty Dumpty (besides my baby fat), I just don't know know if it'll get put back together again.....

Help Bring Khalid to America

I know most people have already heard this and/or read about this -- but I wanted to cover all my bases. I am recieved a letter from Homeland Security attacking Khalid's Christianity and the validity of our marriage (if we married for love or a visa). Thus I am asking anyone who knows me and of Khalid through me to write a letter stating this. I want Homeland Security to realize that I am love my husband more than anything, that I am capable of making good choices, and that it is offense to question his faith, anyone's faith for that matter. It is hurtful and shocking that Nicoda is not a good enough example of our love for each other....I mean he is the cutest baby EVER and looks so much like his daddy! (and I am not biased at all.)



Anyways if you want to help, can help please e-mail a letter to me at stacia_hamidi@yahoo.com. It can short and sweet or as lengthy as you want. I just need to mail them by Monday or Tuesday, so make sure I have enough to print yours off.



Thank you so much!!!

Memorial Day

Memorial Day -- a day to honor those who have fallen for our country. I went to Celebration at the Station (a big concert and fireworks show) last night for Memorial Day and it was so touching. They had all the service men stand and then showed a slide show to honor those who are no longer here. It was in front of the WWI memorial or Liberty Memorial. It was very hard -- all thoughts of death for me right now are. It has also been hard to see so many people when I visit Nicoda. I usually see one or two cars and this weekend total I saw probably 500 hundred....eye opening how death touches everyone. :-( The one thing that none of us can escape.

One Year Anniversary and PRAYER!

One year married, but one year apart. Khalid and I spent hours and hours talking yesterday on the phone to celebrate our anniversary. We talked about our wedding day and tried to remember every detail -- I was surprised at the little things he still recalled that I hadn't. We talked about our dreams and how much we hope to be together soon. It was nice...very nice. Sometimes in our daily talkings of how are you, what are you doing, etc, we forget how it is to talk about life and issues. I loved my hours talking to Khalid.

We got some good news on our process which was wonderful for a few days before we got some really bad news. The good news is that we might be closer to him getting Austrian papers....and EU citizens can travel to the United States without needing a visa.

The bad news that the immigration people that we have been dealing with and having troubles with spoke with Homeland Security whom Khalid and I had a joint interview with and passed. Homeland Security is now pulling their approval based on stupid facts and false information -- they are stating that I married Khalid just to get him to the United States and that he became a Christian also for this same purpose. It is awful and it was a slap in the face to even read it. After everything we have been through and trying so hard -- they resort to saying that we don't really love each other and degrade Khalid's faith. It is an all-time low....even for the United States Government. I am not sure what I need to do next except write a rebuttal letter, but what we need the most is PRAYER!

PLEASE PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!

PRAY FOR SOMEONE COMPASSIONATE TO RECEIVE MY LETTER!

PRAY THAT GOD SHOWS HIMSELF IN THIS PROCESS BY ALLOWING KHALID AND I TO BE TOGETHER FINALLY!

Thank you!

Chloe "MJ" Sikes

I finally got to meet her. Ms. Chloe Mae!

It was so wonderful to meet her and catch up with Jacqueline. I got to do the whole sha-bang with her -- diaper, change clothes, hold her, feed her, get puked on. Chloe even got to meet Leah's daughter Piper. :-) I still can't believe that they are actually going to be moving to Kansas City either. YEA! Jordan and Jacqueline are both so great parents....you are one lucky girl MJ! I can't wait to keep spoiling you. :-)

Dream of Heaven

Last week I had a dream about Nicoda that I wish I could dream each night. I dream of Nicoda a lot -- but it is usually reliving his death. :-( So when I woke up last week with such a feeling of peace, I almost wept.

I dreamt I was in heaven holding Nicoda. It was just me holding him and we were looking at each other. We were both completely focused on each other and yet I was also completely aware of everything around me -- Jesus, others who have died, clouds. And I felt what I can imagine is true peace. I can barely even describe it though.... It was feeling alive and so calm. Every sense, every cell was in tune. The dream was as every heaven dream should be....heavenly. Peace, Nicoda, and Jesus :-)

I told Khalid about it and he was so jealous....not of me being in heaven, but that I got to be with Nicoda. So now I am praying for him to have a good Nicoda dream as well....