Lately I have been overwhelmed -- with wanting to be with Khalid, with wanting Nicoda, with despair, with bitterness. I do not want a reason why he died medically, I want a reason why HE died. I am hurting so bad inside and out. My grief is becoming exhasting. I am surrounded by blessings from God, but so overcome with bitterness. :-( I need more prayers.
You know me -- inside and out. You know how hard losing Nicoda has been for me. You know all that I am doing --right and wrong. You know my doubts, my questions, my pain. You know how fragile my faith is. When I cry each day, I know you hear me. When I so angry and can't keep it inside, I know you're there too. And when I come to you in prayer, I know you hold me. I know all of these things because you promised it to your people, now I am asking that besides knowing, that I feel it. You promised to fill our cups to overflowing....thats what I want. My cup is empty and I need something to bring me through this pain, so I can live again. I need your strength, your Spirt to awake me. Let me shine with your love. Let others see You through my weakness.
In Jesus Name, Amen.