Monday, April 6, 2009

3 Months Away from My Baby

They say as time goes by the pain becomes less, but I am struggling to believe them. It has been three months to the day since I got to see and hold my precious baby and it breaks my heart that I am that far away in time from him. I know that Nicoda is blessed and that he lives in heaven, spared from our fallen world -- but 3 months since the last time I got to kiss his face and feel his kicks feels like an eternity. I still go to the store and look at little clothes and think, "How cute he would be in this" -- only now I don't buy them.

Last Sunday I went to his gravesite and I was so upset -- I just wanted to scream and yell at the injustice it is that my son lives in a cementary....but before I could start, I felt his voice keep saying over and over to me, "I'm not here Mommy, I'm not here." I know it probably doesn't make sense to many people, but it was just another reminder to me that his grave is where I can grieve -- but he isn't there. He is being held in heaven -- eternally blessed.

Nicoda -- You are so blessed to be with Jesus. Remember at the same time God is holding you in His arms, I am holding you in my heart. I love you. I miss you. -- Mommy

1 comment:

The Couch Family said...

I love you so much! So sorry you have to feel this pain. Wish I could take it from you. Know you are ALWAYS on my heart. Stay strong in the Lord.
Sorry we could not talk longer the other day. I was having Dog issues!
I will call you this week!
Love ya,
Amanda