Monday, March 9, 2009

Time In Austria

My time in Austria is about to finish and I have been so blessed. Being with my husband has been a balm to my heart that I could have never imagined. The first month without Nicoda (it has been two months since last Friday) was so hard I thought I would die with the pain. And although it is still so hard and painful and I miss him so much everyday,I have a peace in my heart. MercyMe has a song titled Homesick and it speaks to me so much. I'll put the lyrics at the bottom, but it talks about how hard life is on Earth when your heart is truly in heaven with the ones you love. My best friend Jacqueline also blessed me by telling me of her friend who had a dream of Nicoda being in heaven. It comforted me to know that Nicoda was in heaven and being held.

My due date is next week as well and it makes this week very hard. I just keep imagining what my life was supposed to be like this week. I also keep struggling in my sleep -- I dream so much about the days before Nicoda died almost as if my brain is looking for a reason or something I did or didn't do. It is heartbreaking to wake up and relive his loss every morning.

In addition although Khalid and I have LOVED almost every minute together -- we are still frustrated by his visa process. We are not one bit closer to being together forever and is hard preparing to be alone again -- for both of us. The consulate here has given us NO hope and they are offensive to even talk to because they refuse to answer questions and only question the validly of our marriage. Ahh!

Please continue to pray healing for Khalid and I for Nicoda, pray for his visa process -- even if it just that someone accidentally stamps his file, and pray as I travel back to America and the pain that comes from being apart.

Homesick Lyrics
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

2 comments:

s&sjohnson08 said...

I'm so glad to hear your time with Khalid was good. I'm praying for you both! love you!

The Couch Family said...

I love you so much and am so glad you have had a great trip. I have called a few time to check on you but it said your phone was out of network! Da your only over the sea! hehe Know you are still in my thoughts and prayers and I can't wait for you to call me when you get home. Love you
Amanda