Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Wanted So Much For You

I wanted so much more for you, my sweet little baby.
I wanted to change your diapers, not my life.
I wanted to nurse you, not my grief.
I wanted to dress you up, not bury you.
I wanted to hear the sounds of you crying for me at night,
not my sounds of crying for you, my precious baby.
I wanted to see you grow, not the grass upon your grave.
I wanted to see you asleep in your crib, not in your funeral bassinet.
I wanted to give you life, not death.
I wanted to show you off to the world, not continue without you.
I wanted to design your nursery, not your headstone.
I wanted to pick up after you, not put down my dreams for you.
I wanted to hold you in my arms, not your pictures.
I wanted to show you to your daddy, not make him wait for heaven.
I wanted to tell you about Jesus, not you meet him before I.
I wanted to watch you become something on Earth, not an angel.
I wanted to wake up to you late at night, not to my sorrow.
I wanted so much for you, my newly born and gone child.
I wanted so much more
I wanted so much
I wanted
I wanted YOU.

Lord Jesus, grieving is as natural and as common as loving. I want to help make it as acceptable, too. May my healing journey spark healing in those around me. Amen.